Things I Never Thought I Would Own

Life is full of things imagined. There's the things we imagine ourselves doing and becoming, the places we imagine we might go, the people we imagine becoming. There are things we never want to imagine - losing loved ones, falling ill, having to watch America's Next Top Model with your wife, and so on. Then there are the things you would never imagine in a million years. These are the things I am discovering as Baby Maguire creaps ever closer to entering our lives.

If you had told me, say... ten years ago, that I was going to have kids I would have said you were crazy and ordered another beer. If you had told me, even five years ago, that I would spend the first weeks in March planning health insurance and picking baby clothes as opposed to planning my St. Patty's Day and picking out drinking shirts, I would have laughed. Yet here I am. It has finally set in that I have only days left to make all of the last minute plans, purchases, fixes, and installations of all things baby.

Sure I have always SAID I would never have kids, but you always THINK about it in the back of your mind. There are the fleeting thoughts of what life would be like raising a kid, having an extra body in the house, watching your daughter graduate, or sailing on a yacht paid for by your genius millionaire son who supports you after inventing the cure to Microsoft. I mean, of course I have thought about what it would be like to have a family, but then I shook the thoughts off like I would the thought of winning the $221 million jackpot in Mega Millions. These thoughts never seemed like they had any roots in reality. They never seemed like a possibility for ME. Slowly these thoughts have turned more from short-lived fantasy to what-if's, whens and how-in-the-worlds.

I am not sure if I am finally growing up and becoming mildly mature, or if I have reached premature senility and forgotten everything from years past. Either way, as I imagine the looming reality of being a dad, I am struck not only by fear but by an equal sense of excitement. I have NO idea what I am doing, how I will do it, when I will sleep, or if I will ever again have the life I once knew. But that doesn't seem as important as the thought of having a little munchkin to raise and teach. I am suddenly excited by the thought of starting my OWN family and trying new things as I watch my own brat grow before my eyes. This excitement is something I would never have been able to imagine.

Speaking of things one can't imagine, there have been some changes in my life. I am told that I have yet to see how much my life will change, but you gotta let me take baby steps here. Up until now, all of the toys and trips in my life have been for The Wife and me. Now I have these crazy things I would never have imagined. Despite being 31 years old, completely literate, and college educated, I just got the car seat in after no less than an hour of reading the manual. That's right, my truck - the first big toy I bought after getting a real job - now has a baby seat in the back. What was once a place to haul hockey gear to games, drunk buddies home from the bar, and a young St. Bernard has now become the chariot for Baby to ride.

Instead of a guest room, I now have a nursey. Again, this one may have been foreseeable. As I said before there are some things you might imagine. I might have known we would some day have a room for our child. But never would I have imagined myself spending days putting together cribs, glider chairs, and a futuristic garbage can which allegedly traps in all the fun odors from Baby's dirty diapers (I'll believe it when I see it - and don't smell it). I could not have ever imagined myself spending the weekend making sure that the changing table was put together and fully stocked. I did not see myself testing baby toys. But what I really didn't expect was that I would have fun doing it. That's when I realize this might not be so scary after all. Maybe I will be able to handle this. And I think we'll have fun doing it.

Besides, I have my new charge card. It's the LAST thing I would have ever imagined owning. It was unimaginable. Last weekend, while getting the last few items for the nursery, the lady at Babies 'R Us said we could save another 10% by opening a charge card. After about 2 minutes of entering my info on their computer and signing, I was instantly approved. And with the maximum allowable credit limit. Less than a week later, my shiny new card came in the mail... with an already increased credit limit. I never would have imagined.

So as I try to prepare myself by cramming on "New Father" study materials, packing hospital bags, and taking care of last minute items I try to remind myself that while it's going to be scary it's also going to be fun. And now I couldn't imagine it any other way.